I THINK MY LIFE SO FAR HAS BEEN A MESS.... I ASKED SY TODAY WHAT SHE THINKS HER LIFE WILL BE IN 40 YEARS TO COME. OR RATHER, I ASKED HER, "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WILL THINK WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF ONE MORNING AFTER YOU WAKE UP 40 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD?"
WILL YOU BE HORRIFIED AT WHAT YOU SEE? WILL BE SATISFIED WITH WHAT YOU SEE? WILL YOU BE FILLED WITH REGRET, AND QUESTION WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WITH THE PAST 5O YEARS OF YOUR LIFE? OR WILL YOU SEE YOURSELF AS THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, WHO COULDN'T ASK FOR MORE?
SO LET ME JUST ASK ALL OF YOU WHO ARE READING THIS THE SAME QUESTION: WHAT DO YOU THINK, OR WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO SEE, WHEN YOU FINALLY REACH THAT AGE?
I TOLD SOMEONE IN SECONDARY TWO THAT MY GREATEST FEAR IN LIFE IS NOT OF DEATH OR DYING, BUT THAT MY GREATEST FEAR IS THAT I WILL LOOK INTO THE MIRROR WHEN I AM 40 YEARS OLD AND REGRET WHAT I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE. I DON'T WANT TO LOOK BACK ON MY LIFE AND FIND THAT THERE COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST WHAT I HAVE NOW. I DON'T WANT TO LOOK BACK AND FEEL SORRY FOR ALL THE WRONG THINGS THAT I DID, OR FOR THE RIGHT THINGS THAT I DIDN'T DO.
MAYBE YOU GUYS WILL THINK THAT I AM THINKING TOO MUCH, BUT IT IS NOT. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SINCE SECONDARY TWO AND I FIRST STARTED THINKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I FELT THAT I WAS SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME IN A SCHOOL WHERE MARKS WERE (ALMOST) EVERYTHING AND I COULDN'T TELL WHO WAS A REAL FRIEND AND WHO WAS NOT. EVERYONE SEEMED SO COMPETITIVE I COULDN'T REALLY CONFIDE IN ANYONE. SO I JUST STARTED THINKING, MAYBE WHEN I AM OLDER, I WILL REGRET THAT I HAVE SPENT THE YOUTH OF MY LIFE SO MEANINGLESSLY IN THIS INSTITUTION, PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE'S FRIEND WHILE TRYING TO OUTSMART EACH OTHER AT THE SAME TIME.
I LEARNT FROM MY FATHER: TRUST NO ONE. AND I NEVER REALLY BELIEVED HIM UNTIL I REALLY GOT HURT BY THE PEOPLE WHOM I HAD LEAST EXPECTED TO HAVE ANY INFLUENCE ON ME.
IT TURNS OUT THAT HOW YOU'RE TREATED WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG, REALLY SHAPES THE CHARACTER THAT YOU WILL GROW INTO. SOME PEOPLE MAY CALL ME DELIBERATIVE, AND OTHERS MAY CALL ME SIMPLY ANTI-SOCIAL. AND I ADMIT IT, BECAUSE I AM AWARE OF MY OWN ACTIONS AND MY OWN THOUGHTS.
SOMETIMES I BLAME IT ON MY FAMILY, AS I HAD NEVER BEEN AS CLOSE TO THEM AS SOME OF MY OTHER PEERS ARE TO THEIR FAMILIES. MAYBE IT WAS ALL THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME WHILE I WAS IN SCHOOL.... I HAVE NO IDEA....
NO MATTER WHAT THE CAUSE, I PERSONALLY THINK THAT I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON TO SOCIALISE WITH AND I ADMIT IT, BECAUSE IF I WERE YOU, I WOULDN'T WANT TO BEFRIEND ME EITHER. AT LEAST, NOT SUPER CLOSE FRIENDS LA.
THEREFORE, I AM NOW RESOLVED TO MOVE INTO JC WITH A PRECONCEIVED NOTION OF ME, WHETHER GOOD OR BAD.
ALL I ASK IS FOR YOU PEOPLE TO LOOK BACK ON YOUR LIFE (THUS FAR) AND ASK YOURSELF, DO YOU REGRET ANYTHING?
I HOPE YOU ALL DON'T, BECAUSE A REGRET WILL STAY FOR A LIFETIME..
AND JUST REMEMBER TWO VERY WISE PHRASES WORTH THEIR WEIGHT IN GOLD:
--> NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, JUST BE YOURSELF. --> A LIFE LIVED IN FEAR, IS A LIVE HALF LIVED.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------- to infinity and beyond!
hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
aboutME.
amethyst1943
08 03
jc
dancer
shooter
myLOVES.
=)
dance
green
chinese
ducks!
the west side of my island
myWISHES.
golden leaf
strong constitution
pleasant disposition
do well for 'A's!
[still thinking]
goldenWORDS.
the greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return-
